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THE CURE FOR OCD? CHAPTER 6. WORLD MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS WEEK.




* I just wanted to pop a little disclaimer before you start to have a lil read that I am going to be mentioning a lot of my OCD triggers, I know that in the past, I have found it difficult to read what others go through as it would sometimes mirror onto myself, so i just wanted to let you know to forewarn you just incase x *


**If you would prefer to watch a video version of this post with more in depth about my OCD journey, I have a whole playlist uploaded on my youtube of previous OCD videos I have filmed, this is the link... https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQ8jW5x-QISE-nO2YXSW5sWg5X_I8FOli**


Chapter 6

Once we had finished working through this pyramid, Jennifer asked me where do I now see our sessions going. To be completely honest, towards the last few sessions, it was going that amazingly that i was wondering what we were to discuss next as i felt everything had been covered.
I realised that I had no other concerns, no other triggers I wanted to work through. I felt like my life had completely changed. Each time i walked out of those doctors surgery doors i smiled and was so excited to improve that coming week with my new challenges.

We decided to end our sessions after week 8 I believe. The last session we discussed about relapses, what to do if that happens, what could cause a relapse, how will i feel if it does, what will happen etc. We recapped on everything we discussed over the sessions and Jennifer is going to send me a pack of papers of everything we discussed so i can always look back to them if i need some encouragement.


There is so much more i could tell you about my therapy sessions. So so much more help that Jennifer helped me to see. I would love to keep writing 'little' posts like this to help you if you or you know someone who is struggling too.

The main reason i wrote this post today was to share my experience and what it that I have found to be a near complete cure to my OCD. Has it banished? No. Has it came back from day to day? Yes. Will it ever go away? Probably not. But i have never felt better. I never thought life could be like this. That this is how my life is without OCD holding me back.

I also wanted to share snippets of my thought records and maybe upload some in the future for me to have something to always work towards with my OCD. To keep on top of it. To maybe do weekly thought records and upload them to my blog so you can see the things i have had to tackle and give you some confidence that you can do it too and that your not alone.
It will help me out so much too. Having something i can look back on and seeing what I have accomplished will help for sure if i'm struggling with my OCD in the future. Knowing i have got through a similar situation before, i know will help me.

Thank you so so much for the taking the time to read my post today and i couldn't recommend speaking with your GP if you are going through OCD, anxiety, depression and ANY form of mental health! That's what they are there for and as soon as i visited my doctors and therapist, my whole life changed and i started my path to stop making OCD define me. (oh how cheesey hehe)

I would have popped it all in one post but it was sooooooo word heavy & I thought uploading a chapter daily might be easier to read & digest. So I've added all chapters to my dropdown menu under lifestyle, where you can find all chapters inside <3 

Thank you so so much taking the time out of your day to read my post.

I have been wanting to write a post about my OCD for a very long time but if you know anything at all about OCD, you will know how much information you can hold. It's so tricky to put it all into words sometimes and me being me, i do love to jabber sometimes haha!

Thank you so much again for reading and i do hope that this somewhat helped you or someone who you know. Even if it just gives you a little bit of hope that there could be a nugget of a cure out there for you to help you get through your journey. 


Lots of love,

Emilie x

THE CURE FOR OCD? CHAPTER 5. WORLD MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS WEEK.






* I just wanted to pop a little disclaimer before you start to have a lil read that I am going to be mentioning a lot of my OCD triggers, I know that in the past, I have found it difficult to read what others go through as it would sometimes mirror onto myself, so i just wanted to let you know to forewarn you just incase x *


**If you would prefer to watch a video version of this post with more in depth about my OCD journey, I have a whole playlist uploaded on my youtube of previous OCD videos I have filmed, this is the link... https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQ8jW5x-QISE-nO2YXSW5sWg5X_I8FOli**


Chapter 5

 About the third session in, after hearing my life story and the triggers i go through, she drew a pyramid and drew it into 4 sections i believe.
From the bottom we placed my triggers that aren't too bad, ones that didn't cause me too much discomfort, things like making sure the taps were off for example.

The next layer were ones that were a bit more challenging such as checking the plug sockets as well as checking the aerosols.

Next, i had checking the windows. I was so concerned that if i left a window open too wide, my little cat would jump out. Or making sure they were locked so no-one could break in. This was a big thing for me, I would go around the flat over and over again, checking they were locked or closed that little bit more.

The top layer was the most challenging, this was where i placed leaving my cat's fur somewhere. Or leaving something from where i am happy such as home, in a place i wasn't so happy, i.e on a bus.
I also had very intrusive thoughts when i looked at certain people. I don't judge people, it's not in my nature whatsoever to discriminate a person especially because of how they look. But my intrusive thoughts triggered me to believe that for example, a homeless person or someone who looked messy in appearance with poor hygiene... my brain went into auto and remembered programmes and films that I've watched where children, adults were kidnapped, murdered, assaulted and more often that not those criminals looked a little like these people i would pass on a street.

So when i looked at these ones, i would instantly have the most soul destroying thoughts that something bad would happen. That someone i love would be murdered, kidnapped, raped, mugged, attacked and so on. I have a big imagination by nature and this added with OCD just made everything so realistic in my mind.
So, to combat this, like when i was at school, i would look at this person again and delete the thought i just had. Literally repeat the word delete in my head so that thought wouldn't really happen. I would usually also delete these thoughts by imagining I was kidnapped, raped etc. I would rather the thought of it happening to me rather than someone i love. It was just horrific to conjure up in my mind.

So because of this, whenever i went outside, when constantly seeing people around me, equalled constantly thinking these disgusting thoughts. That's why i was so put off from leaving the flat.

So with this pyramid. Jennifer suggested we start off with little tests. Starting from the mildest and working our way towards the more challenging.

This worked incredibly well.
I started to concentrate when i checked the taps. Instead of ''checking'' them whilst thinking about my next thing to check. I made sure to really focus on them being off. This helped so much.

Next level up, plugs and aerosols. Liked i mentioned earlier, learning more info about these things worked wonders. As well as making sure i concentrate on them whilst checking them once worked out well also.

Checking the windows. This took a little longer but each and every time it got easier and easier. My brother in law told me a fantastic 'hack'. Film yourself checking them. This is so helpful to begin with until you can start getting better and you find your OCD easing. If you doubt yourself throughout the day, if you've locked the windows, just look back to the video on your phone.
I did this as well as again, concentrating when i checked the windows, taking my time to realise that they were locked and gradually i kept getting better. Now i check them once and that's it.

The biggy.
My biggest fears becoming a test.

At this point after discussing with Jennifer about connections with my triggers and my cats fur for example, we tried over the weeks little tests to build me up to leaving the chunk of fur in the bag. When i was outside, i would just naturally pick fluff off my clothes (from my cat sitting on them lol) and just let it go in the air, at first, i found it tricky but each and every time gave me encouragement to do it again.
This led me to leaving the chunk of fur in the bag, leaving a jacket in the gym locker over night with fur all on it and collected it the next day. I even took a jacket full of fur into my old workplace and left it there with them over night. They were so supportive as they know all about my OCD. They helped me out with my problems whilst working there and really catered my work around my OCD for me. I never hung my coat up at work there, always folded it into my bag so no fur what fall off into the staff room, i always took my apron home so if any fur went onto it, i wouldn't be leaving fur there. So the fact I ACTUALLY LEFT MY JACKET FULL OF FUR there OVERNIGHT was just an incredible feeling.

As regards to looking at people. When me and Jennifer discussed this, Jennifer helped me remember when i felt terrible about these thoughts, that it's not me. It's not in my personality to think like this about these people. It's just the intrusive thoughts. We also discussed about connections and responsibility. Just because i thought these things, wouldn't bring them to fruition. It wouldn't make them happen. For something so so terrible to happen, a person would have to plan the attack, have a reason etc and just by me looking at them isn't going to cause that. I also came to the realisation that a rapist, a kidnapper, a thief doesn't always look like these people the tv has made me to believe. It could be a woman, a child, a teenager, a man dressed smartly in a suit. Once i realised this, my whole view point changed. I was then able to focus on what my personality actually feels when i see these people. A homeless person for example, i'm able to look at them with compassion, take them a drink and some biscuits.

I would have popped it all in one post but it was sooooooo word heavy & I thought uploading a chapter daily might be easier to read & digest. So I've added all chapters to my dropdown menu under lifestyle, where you can find all chapters inside <3 

Thank you so so much taking the time out of your day to read my post.

I have been wanting to write a post about my OCD for a very long time but if you know anything at all about OCD, you will know how much information you can hold. It's so tricky to put it all into words sometimes and me being me, i do love to jabber sometimes haha!

Thank you so much again for reading and i do hope that this somewhat helped you or someone who you know. Even if it just gives you a little bit of hope that there could be a nugget of a cure out there for you to help you get through your journey. 


Lots of love,


Emilie x






THE CURE FOR OCD? CHAPTER 4. WORLD MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS WEEK.




* I just wanted to pop a little disclaimer before you start to have a lil read that I am going to be mentioning a lot of my OCD triggers, I know that in the past, I have found it difficult to read what others go through as it would sometimes mirror onto myself, so i just wanted to let you know to forewarn you just incase x *


**If you would prefer to watch a video version of this post with more in depth about my OCD journey, I have a whole playlist uploaded on my youtube of previous OCD videos I have filmed, this is the link... https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQ8jW5x-QISE-nO2YXSW5sWg5X_I8FOli**

Chapter 4 

Near the beginning of our sessions, Jennifer gave me a sheet of paper. A sheet of paper with blocked columns that were titled...

Situation, Moods (Feelings/Emotions), Automatic Thoughts, Physical Sensations and Behaviour.


This was a record of my daily thoughts. If i had a situation where i felt my OCD was controlling me, I were to write it down (of course if i was comfortable to do so. I did at the start of my sessions worry what i wrote on paper, if i wrote anything bad, a word, a scenario, my intrusive thoughts would bombard my brain and tell me that, THAT now will actually happen now i have written it down. Upon dealing this with Jennifer, again realising there is no connection between ink being printed and something happening, I was able to then write things down without concern) I was to write down what the situation was, how i felt etc. Here's what I wrote as my first record...








Here's a more detailed thought record about 4-5 weeks into my sessions










At the start of my sessions, i would never never ever consider not de-furring the clothes before giving them away let alone putting a big chunk of my cat's fur into a bag of clothes that's going to be recycled!! That would have been my worst nightmare. My emotional rate would have been 100% plus a bajillion!!

But after just a few weeks of realising that the fur from my cat isn't connected to bad things happening, that the fur is not connected to my cat anymore, that she doesn't care about it, doesn't give it a second thought, made me realise why should I? Rather than concentrating on intrusive thoughts bombarding my brain that I'll be leaving a piece of my cat in a bad place, that something bad will happen to her, that a piece of her is left somewhere i don't want it to be, somewhere that makes me unhappy, I started to realise that even though a piece might be left somewhere with intension or not, it will make no connection whatsoever to my cat. It's a piece of fur. It doesn't hold power to make things happen. It's now an empty thing that has no connection whatsoever. I also realised that mine and my cats relationship didn't change. I would forget all about that fur once i'm home with her ( no doubt creating more fur from brushing her haha )

But just discussing and coming to a realistic, logical way of thinking, turned my 100% emotions down to a calmer 25%. Yes i was still concerned, but more of the fact it was so out of routine for me. I was so used to worrying and concerning about all of these things that, the main worry for me was not doing these things anymore, what would life now be like? It was so second nature to me that i could visualise what life would be like without these rituals and intrusive thoughts.

Knowing i have left a chunk of fluff in a bag, going to goodness knows where, encourages and reminds me that nothing has happened, nothing bad has happened, my cat loves me just the same, we still play with her toy mice and have a great time together. Remembering this, reminds me that I can now leave my cat's fur anywhere. It still should have the same effect just as it did with leaving it in the recycling bag.


Jennifer helped me lead myself up to this point.



I would have popped it all in one post but it was sooooooo word heavy & I thought uploading a chapter daily might be easier to read & digest. So I've added all chapters to my dropdown menu under lifestyle, where you can find all chapters inside <3 

Thank you so so much taking the time out of your day to read my post.

I have been wanting to write a post about my OCD for a very long time but if you know anything at all about OCD, you will know how much information you can hold. It's so tricky to put it all into words sometimes and me being me, i do love to jabber sometimes haha!

Thank you so much again for reading and i do hope that this somewhat helped you or someone who you know. Even if it just gives you a little bit of hope that there could be a nugget of a cure out there for you to help you get through your journey. 


Lots of love,


Emilie x

THE CURE FOR OCD? CHAPTER 3. WORLD MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS WEEK.






* I just wanted to pop a little disclaimer before you start to have a lil read that I am going to be mentioning a lot of my OCD triggers, I know that in the past, I have found it difficult to read what others go through as it would sometimes mirror onto myself, so i just wanted to let you know to forewarn you just incase x *

**If you would prefer to watch a video version of this post with more in depth about my OCD journey, I have a whole playlist uploaded on my youtube of previous OCD videos I have filmed, this is the link... https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQ8jW5x-QISE-nO2YXSW5sWg5X_I8FOli**

Chapter 3

Another way of thinking that tied in so well with this logical perception of things was to find out information. For example, every single time i left my apartment, wether it was only to take the bins out, i would check my beauty drawer where my hairsprays and deodorants were kept. They were kept in this drawer out of sunlight, out of high heated areas in my room but then created another concern that because these aerosols were now tucked away, what if something caused them to burst, caused a fire??

Like I say, the relief and realisation of that i wouldn't be responsible if something WERE to happen to these aerosols wouldn't be my fault, helped me ten fold. But, what really made a difference was learning the how's and why's.

So, i hit google up and discovered how difficult it would be to actually burst an aerosol. There's me thinking a bobby pin could pierce through the can and cause an explosion. Jennifer also told me that to have any effect, the cans would have to be heated to an extreme temperature or be put under pressure in order for something to happen. Now i'm not saying leave your aerosols on a windowsill to sunbathe but knowing this information just made me realise, how much pain this worry was causing me, causing me to go and check that non of the cans were touching anything, that they wasn't in sunlight, that they wasn't touching one another and could some how 'react' to one another, cause me to go back and check multiple times until it 'felt right' and yet something as simple as doing a little research and actually finding out if these fears and worries COULD happen, changed me. Now, i still like to make sure i'm responsible with them, you know, keep them kept neatly (more for my love of organisation) and stored away and now i don't even think to check them before i leave. Ever.


I would have popped it all in one post but it was sooooooo word heavy & I thought uploading a chapter daily might be easier to read & digest. So I've added all chapters to my dropdown menu under lifestyle, where you can find all chapters inside <3 

Thank you so so much taking the time out of your day to read my post.

I have been wanting to write a post about my OCD for a very long time but if you know anything at all about OCD, you will know how much information you can hold. It's so tricky to put it all into words sometimes and me being me, i do love to jabber sometimes haha!

Thank you so much again for reading and i do hope that this somewhat helped you or someone who you know. Even if it just gives you a little bit of hope that there could be a nugget of a cure out there for you to help you get through your journey. 


Lots of love,

Emilie x









THE CURE FOR OCD? CHAPTER 2. WORLD MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS WEEK.






* I just wanted to pop a little disclaimer before you start to have a lil read that I am going to be mentioning a lot of my OCD triggers, I know that in the past, I have found it difficult to read what others go through as it would sometimes mirror onto myself, so i just wanted to let you know to forewarn you just incase x *

**If you would prefer to watch a video version of this post with more in depth about my OCD journey, I have a whole playlist uploaded on my youtube of previous OCD videos I have filmed, this is the link... https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQ8jW5x-QISE-nO2YXSW5sWg5X_I8FOli**

Chapter 2

Our first session we spoke a little about myself. It's quite tricky to come up with facts about yourself when a lot of the time you look back on past memories and OCD just tends to bombard them all. 

After a couple more sessions where Jennifer listened intently to my life stories and experiences, whilst writing down a list of my daily triggers, thoughts and compulsions, we began to deal with them. 


With help from my husband, i look at life in a very logical way. Which is quite the contrary to OCD. I love to do things that are efficient, wether it's when i clean or put my makeup on, i love doing it in a way that is logical. It could be about a certain topic in the news and both me and Richard (the other piece of my heart & who I love intently. Quick grab your sick buckets!) will discuss things and put the world to right (in our own opinion) with our logical way of thinking haha.

I began to realise that because of this way of thinking, i was noticing more of an impact from what Jennifer and I discussed in our sessions. A click of a switch went off inside me where i just thought, OMG of course. Why am I doing this? What am i achieving from doing this? It won't change a thing, it doesn't mean anything, it's out of my control...

During the times of my thoughts, compulsions, triggers, I knew they were silly. In the back of my mind i knew that just because i looked at that piece of paper and thought of a memory that, that memory wouldn't really be deleted and kept in a place i don't want it to be but after many years of thinking and feeling this, it does becomes so real to you. I knew that touching something 8, 10, 12 times wouldn't be achieving anything other than a split second of relief. 

But something about relaying it to someone i had only met a few times before, hearing from her lips too that yes, these things are just thoughts, just made a momentous impact on me. 

Sometimes, things Jennifer mentioned, i remembered from my last therapy course. I realised in those moments that those sessions in 2012 was not wasted time, they were helpful at the time and could be helpful for my future. A building block to my current sessions.

Heart clinchingly, my Dad passed away when i was 13. I spoke briefly about this to my therapist at the time when i was doing my first round of therapy sessions when i was 18. 
The therapist would sometimes bring it up but i always tried to shift away from this as i believed people thought i had OCD because of this experience I had gone through losing my Dad. I used to say to ones who thought this that no, my OCD has got nothing to do with it, I had it when i was 8 well before this happened. 

I went into my new sessions with an open mind. To discuss everything. To allow everything a chance of a could be. We spoke about my Dad. We spoke about my Mom, Richard, brothers, uncles, the next door neighbour, the man across the street, nieces, nephews, friends.
And more importantly, we spoke about the feeling of responsibility.

Even though, going through the hardest point in my OCD where leaving my apartment wasn't becoming an option anymore and being so ready to be open to anything being spoken about, I still wondered why 'responsibility' had anything to do with me and my OCD. I wondered why we would discuss this, is this really going to help? But, once again i left that room after this session a new woman. 

How had I not thought about this before???
That i felt responsible for the intrusive thoughts and if i didn't act upon deleting the, I would be responsible?? We went onto talking for example about plug sockets. I had so many concerns and compulsions that if i didn't turn them off, something bad would happen. We discussed what would happen and my logical and realistic way of thinking came into play and realised, well nothing would happen. OK a little bit of electricity might be used ( and the £'s might be adding up ) but nothing that would cause anybody harm, which was my fear. 

Jennifer then went onto discussing IF something were to happen. Would it be my fault? Am i responsible? Have i caused this to happen? What could i have done to stop it? 

IF something were to happen, the likely chances were that something in the 'electrical side of things' were going wrong. Nothing i would know about. Nothing i could do that would stop/change from happening. Nothing my compulsions or thoughts could change. I WOULD NOT BE RESPONSIBLE!!

This flooded into pretty much EVERY SINGLE THING MY OCD WAS BASED ON. Every thought i had, every intrusive soul destroying thought i had was now suppressed by the realisation that I was not responsible for this. It was literally life changing. 

There i was sat in a room with Jennifer, questioning why she would base a whole session on responsibility. That session alone changed my whole life.

I would have popped it all in one post but it was sooooooo word heavy & I thought uploading a chapter daily might be easier to read & digest. So I've added all chapters to my dropdown menu under lifestyle, where you can find all chapters inside <3 

Thank you so so much taking the time out of your day to read my post.

I have been wanting to write a post about my OCD for a very long time but if you know anything at all about OCD, you will know how much information you can hold. It's so tricky to put it all into words sometimes and me being me, i do love to jabber sometimes haha!

Thank you so much again for reading and i do hope that this somewhat helped you or someone who you know. Even if it just gives you a little bit of hope that there could be a nugget of a cure out there for you to help you get through your journey. 


Lots of love,

Emilie x

THE CURE FOR OCD? CHAPTER 1. WORLD MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS WEEK.




* I just wanted to pop a little disclaimer before you start to have a lil read that I am going to be mentioning a lot of my OCD triggers, I know that in the past, I have found it difficult to read what others go through as it would sometimes mirror onto myself, so i just wanted to let you know to forewarn you just incase x *

**If you would prefer to watch a video version of this post with more in depth about my OCD journey, I have a whole playlist uploaded on my youtube of previous OCD videos I have filmed, this is the link... https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQ8jW5x-QISE-nO2YXSW5sWg5X_I8FOli**


Chapter 1 

I feel like I have been given the anti virus, the cure to the mental and soul destroying disease that is OCD. Never in all the years that I have suffered with OCD did i think the day would come where I could actually walk down the street and not be tormented by horrendous thoughts that my loved ones would be hurt if i didn't look at that leaf again. That something terrible would happen if i didn't pick up that piece of rubbish and put it in my pocket, that the feeling of not doing a compulsion (that's like someone is holding your eyes open and your wanting to blink type feeling) fades into nothing. 

The earliest memory of OCD was when i was 8, lying in bed ready to fall asleep and not being able to close my eyes until i had opened them slowly and closed them slowly so many times that i lost count. 
To describe the feeling would be like me trying to explain string theory (never gonna happen), but to come close... my mind kept telling me i didn't do it right and to do it again. This kept happening until, ''it felt right''. 2,3,4 minutes later i would get an urge to open my eyes and slowly close again, for reasons still unknown other than the fact it was the beginning of my OCD journey. 

Cutting a very long story short, i went through the ages of 8-11 with tit-bits of OCD flooding in here and there which passed after time and little old me, just passed them as a memory.

When starting secondary school, boy oh boy wasn't that a new kettle of fish! After faking illness left right and centre to get me out of going to school that included headaches to belly aches that I was even given a scan for, to crying on the bus and running off into my moms arms. I then told a teaching assistant whilst hysterically crying outside my maths class about the traumas i was going through on a daily basis and telling someone lead me to being home schooled. 

With Mike Tyson being lifted off my shoulders, my life felt lighter and more brighter. OCD triggers sifted through here and there but nothing compared to what i faced at school. 
Upon turning 16, I got my first job working in a retail store called New Look. I stayed there for 3 years until after a collection of sick notes from the doctor enabled me to realise that i needed to leave that place and all the OCD dwelling there behind.

During my time at new look i did get referred to a therapist, which did help. But those sessions really only dealt with the struggles i was facing at that certain time.

I don't know if you find this but with my OCD, it changes. Over the years i have gone from counting to even numbers, rituals of tapping around the home, blinking, twitches, even more counting and so on. Since the age of i'd say 15, i haven't had any counting triggers. It has changed dramatically and significantly over the years, so the lessons I learnt from my therapist in 2012, don't really apply for me in 2019. 

After many more jobs, many more heart achingly traumatising moments with my OCD, times that brought on panic attacks, times of suicidal thoughts, it was time to try medication. 

Medication was never offered to me before when mentioning my OCD to my GP previously, maybe because of my young age at the time. But being the age of 21, i was able to make my own decision of asking for further help than what websites and therapists could do. 

I spoke to a doctor after wiping the tears away that washed over me like when i first told someone about my OCD and she prescribed me with 10mg of Clomipramine.
This is a tablet for anxiety. In all of those years, i never knew anxiety was linked to OCD, but when being told this new information, it was like a light bulb turned on and i thought ''of course!'' it has everything to do with anxiety!! The palpitations i felt when i needed to reenact my compulsion, the tight chest and brain fog that hurled around when I had a horrendous thought come inside my head, the adrenaline i got when i had to climb up stair cases until i got cramp. This feeling of overwhelming terror was anxiety!

So these tablets were to help calm me down, which in turn would calm the feeling I got when I needed to repeat a compulsion, to calm my thoughts of panic down when the thought of a loved one would be hurt from not mopping the floor for the 5th time. 

I noticed an immediate difference. But over time, i wondered what a higher dose would be like. I am now on 100mg. I noticed a huge difference at 50mg, but then moved home into a new lifestyle and routine and noticed old and new feelings, triggers coming back to greet (haunt) me again. So i spoke to my doctor again who prescribed me another 50mg and referred me to another specialist via the healthy minds service. 


The doctors where i was to meet my specialist was a 10-15 minute bus journey. Dreading the journey thanks to joy of OCD triggers that filled the bus ride with so many outrageous thoughts and compulsions, i set off on a Wednesday morning to hopefully begin a new chapter. As cheesy as it sounds... the new Emilie chapter. 

There i was sitting in front of a lady who had a comforting and thoughtful persona. A lady who looked like she was there for me and only me and was ready to start my journey off that very morning.
A lady called Jennifer.



I'm uploading the next 5 chapters for the next 5 days at 10am.
I would have popped it all in one post but it was sooooooo word heavy & I thought uploading a chapter daily might be easier to read & digest.

Thank you so so much taking the time out of your day to read my post.

I have been wanting to write a post about my OCD for a very long time but if you know anything at all about OCD, you will know how much information you can hold. It's so tricky to put it all into words sometimes and me being me, i do love to jabber sometimes haha!

Thank you so much again for reading and i do hope that this somewhat helped you or someone who you know. Even if it just gives you a little bit of hope that there could be a nugget of a cure out there for you to help you get through your journey. 


Lots of love,

Emilie x

Here's my latest OCD uploaded to my channel...



Hotel Chocolat Lip Balm Review

I don't know about you, but when I stumble into (more like arrive into, after hunting the store down before i can head anywhere else) Hotel Chocolat, a thought runs through my mind every. single. time. 
''If only there were something that i can slather all over my lips that looks AND tastes like chocolate? hmmmm''

Low and behold *angels sing* there sat small, cute, wooden pots holding such a product.
Hotel Chocolat have only gone and brought out their own lip balm! 
Willy Wonka missed a trick here!




*SCROLL DOWN TO THE BOTTOM FOR A QUICK FIRE LOW DOWN VERSION IF YOU PREFER*

1. Packaging

Wouldn't you just looooook! I'm going all heart eyed emoji over here.

I have never seen a such a cute and compact yet luxuriously rustic lip balm in all my 25 years. I've never seen any packaging like this being offered amongst the usual lip balm brands.
When you grasp the soft wooden pot in your hands, if feels so deluxe. On the top and bottom of the pot is a Hotel Chocolat simple yet fitting label for the info needed.

2. Price

Please oh pretty please don't gasp when I tell you this ok?
You promise?

Ok, this lip balm costs £7.00.
I shall admit, a wee bit of air passed through my lips when i saw the price but we are talking Hotel Chocolat. A fancy, lavish chocolate store that always deliver quality and per-ZAZZ.

(Unsure of wether this is a promotional offer or an ongoing offer but online at Hotel Chocolat they are offering 2 for £10 mix & match, perfect if your buying for a gift)

3. Scent/Flavour

There's 4 to choose from including:



4. Formula

If you have experienced biting into Hotel Chocolat's dizzy praline chocolates, you may remember the texture inside that was thick, yet silky and of course delicious.
I don't know if this was Hotel Choclat's intensions but scoop the middle of a dizzy praline out and you've got this lip balms formula.

If you've never had a dizzy praline, 1. your missing out on a treat! 2. The formula is thick but loose, when applied onto the lips it feels like an oil when warmed from the finger tips giving a luscious juicy lip look. 



5. Ingredients

In this particular balm, the natural blend of ingredients include almond oil and cocoa butter (what a combo) rosemary leaf extract and beeswax. All blended together to make a natural, vegetarian lip balm for us to slather on our puckers. 

Hotel Chocolat do emphasise that all of their products are made in a factory that handles tree nuts, peanuts, wheat, milk and soya so therefore may contain traces.

6. Feel & Look

The balm is a silky but rich formula that feels almost like a glaze on the lips. Applied to thick, it could feel a little much as a small amount can go a long way. 

Although the Almond Chocolat has a cocoa tint in colour, this doesn't particularly show on the lips, maybe a slight hue. But it does however give a juicy plump appearance and leaves your lips feeling softer and hydrated after first use. 

Where can it be purchased?

Both online and in a Hotel Chocolat store. 

...

Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to read my post!
What flavour would you choose? The fruited chocolat sounds very appealing for Christmas time, christmas cake lip balm anyone?

Can't wait to chat soon!

Love, Emilie xx


THE LOW DOWN

£7.00

(2 for £10 mix & match online)

May contain traces of tree nuts, peanuts, milk, soya and wheat

Silky, soft, whipped like formula 

Vegetarian

Can be applied thickly for a great overnight lip treatment 

Gives a glossy, plump appearance to the lips 

Deluxe packaging 

4 varieties including Almond, Fruited, Coconut and Peach Chocolat. 

Hydrates and softens after one use 

Smells (& can confirm after ''accidentally'' licking my lips, tastes) delicious

10ml of product




















Revolution Banana Light Powder Review

Let's delve into a puff of lightweight, finely milled powder and ponder of Revolution Beauty's gem of a product.



1. What is it and what does it claim to do?

This is finely milled baking powder and 7th in Revolution's loose baking powder range. 
It is claimed to be just like their original baking powder with the same unbeatable setting and brightening power. The product is claimed to prolong makeup, banish shine, brighten and balance skin tone. ( everything i want and need in a powder, can i getta hell yeah?!)


2. Price

Compared to other baking powders on the market, this comes in at a fraccccction of the price.
For 32g of product it costs just £5.00

3. Packaging

I was excepting a rather big tub from the pictures i have seen online but when it arrived, i was so surprised by its cute little podgy-ness. It's compact enough for travelling on holidays but not tiny enough to pop into a clutch for touch ups.

4. Shade

Within the 7 shades, this one is designed for brightening lighter skin tones. 
When purchasing this shade, i knew i wanted to try a banana powder after hearing many a good things about the benefits of brightening under your eyes, but was a little concerned about the yellow tinge. 

With the banana light, although it does have a touch of lemon colouring to the powder, that cannot be seen when applied... thankfully.

5. Application

 If you like to tip the loose product into the cap before applying, good luck.
It's rather tiny.
Upon finding this out, i opted to then use the back of my hand to sprinkle the product onto which works just fine.

I use a dry beauty sponge to pick and place the product on the desired areas of my face. Sometimes i bake, sometimes i just pat straight in. Either way is very easy to do with the sponge method as you can pick and place the product onto designated areas, rather than sporadically applying with a brush, if thats not your jam. 


6. Feel

When i bake or pat this powder straight into my skin i get the same outcome.
Silk.
It doesn't feel heavy one little bit.

7. Finish

It doesn't cake into my pores or rest onto the dry patches of my skin.
It absorbs any oil that has annoyingly escaped through since applying my foundation or when i touch up throughout the day.
I love how it glides over my makeup rather than just sits there.

Unlike some powders i have used in the past, it doesn't LOOK heavy either and doesn't look like a cast of dust over my skin which is da best.

Flashback? nu urrrr.

With it being a slight touch lighter than my foundation shade, it gives a subtle natural brightness under my eyes which blends in so naturally to the other products on my skin.

8. Longevity

As Revolution claims, it does hold my makeup in place. It doesn't hold it amazingly well with some foundations but i put my blame to them instead of powder.
I do sometimes have to touch up around my nose but when do i not need to do this? ( gee thanks sweaty shnoz!)

I love the fact it doesn't clog and cake up when re-applying to touch up. It just blends into the previously applied products and sits just as well as when first applied.

Where can I buy it from?

Right here... Revolution Beauty or Superdrug

What are the other shades and their claims?

Translucent – for all skin tones

White – for the fairest skin tones 

Banana Light – brightening for light skin tones

Banana – brightening for medium skin tones

Banana Deep - brightening for medium to dark skin tones

Lace – for medium skin tones

Beige – for warm medium skin tones

Peach - colour balancing for medium to dark skin tones

Orange – colour balancing for dark skin tones 

Deep Dark – for dark and deep skin tones 

Would I purchase it again?

100%
I may look into purchasing the shade 'lace' for the summer time when i might gain a little tan.

Thank you so much for reading my lovelies and we shall chat soon...

Love, Emilie xx

THE LOW DOWN

32g for £5.00

Comes in 7 different shades

Doesn't have a yellow cast

Brightens

Locks in makeup

Non cakey look

Doesn't cake when applying touch ups

Works well with other products

Looks natural on the skin

Finely milled and light texture